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Nobody Expects The Canadian Inquisition!

Why so many questions Canada?  Sheesh!

And, really, asking us twice about owning the van?  I know that it is a shockingly sweet ride but, please, give us a little credit for our amazing style.

Sorry the volume is low.  (Apologizing for everything. It's the Canadian way.)

See (embellished) transcript below.

Video Link


Jon:  Good Evening.
Canadian Inquisitor: Hello.
CI: Just two of you in there?
J: Yes.
Ellen: Yeah.
CI: Were do you live?
J: Ahhhh...  Arizona [or...  Colorado?  or....  IN THIS SWEET-ASS VAN!]
CI: What's the purpose for this trip?
J: Ahhhh...  We are going to visit Vancouver.  Uhhh...  Vacation.
CI: And how long were you planning?
J: Ahhh...  Probably, at the most, three...
E:  Two days.
J: ...two or three days...
CI: How long have you planned this trip? 
J: Ahhh...  [Wait... what? How are my organizational skills coming into play here? How is this relevant?]  We've been traveling the U.S. for a couple months now and ah, so, we had always planned to come up here...
CI:  ...yeah...
J: ...the matter of when was not certain, but uh, ah, we're booked for a hotel tonight and ah, may or may not extend that... [We're seriously not terrorists. Ask yourself, CI: Why would terrorists book a hotel?]
CI: K.
CI: What do you do for work?
J: [Now this is getting personal. Have you been looking for a good dentist, CI?  There are better ways to find one, CI.]  That's a good question! [...laughter...] Ellen and I actually just ...ahh... left our jobs to do this trip up around the states here and then ...ahhh... in about four months we'll be traveling overseas.
E: [TMI, J.] on savings.
CI: [TMI, J.] What did you do?
J: I'm a computer programmer so, eventually, my goal is to do some contract work and... continue a traveling kind of lifestyle... as long as we can. [In countries that DON'T ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS!]
CI: All right. So, are you husband / wife? Is that it?
J: Yes. [Just like Bonnie and Clyde.]
E: Yeah. [By the way, where is the nearest bank?]
CI: This vehicle is yours?
J: [Beaming with pride] Yes it is.
CI: Did your wife do the same kind of work, er...? [She looks like she could be a dentist.]
E: No. I worked for Medtronic, a medical device company. I was in the sales department so... I don't know what I'm gonna do. [...laughter...] Maybe be his business manager. I don't know.
J: [...laughter...  Oh, she's already managing my business...  ]
CI: Where are you travelling to after; you said you were going overseas? ( IRAN?!?)
J: We'll probably... yeah... we'll continue across the northern Americas and then um...
E: [That was not the question, dude.] Holland first. We have a wedding in Holland. And then ah.... probably Europe and maybe a little bit of Southeast Asia until the holidays. Maybe...  Hopefully.  If our money lasts. [...laughter...]
CI: This is your vehicle, right? [You trust fund babies are honestly driving this thing around?]
J: Yes it is. [Still proud.]
E: Yeah.
CI: And do you have any weapons, then, in your vehicle?
E: HmMm.
J: No.
E: We were strictly warned that we... [...laughter...]
J: No firearms.  [But a big can of bear mace and a little machete are OK, right?]
E: Nothing, yeah.  [Don't you dare mention the machete.]
CI: OK. [Against my better judgment, I'll grant you crazy people entrance to Canada but, I'll be looking for this van on the evening news in the next couple of days.]
E: Thank you.
J: Thank you very much. Have a good day! [Thank God we made it!]
E: Where should I put these [passports]? You think in here, probably?
J: Sure.
E: [whispered] That was a lot of questions...



  1. Should have told him you were coming to catch some Canucks games. Keep your hair greasy and tell them you are big Luongo fans.

    [Sorry - that is a hockey reference, and I know you Americans may not understand the allusion]

  2. Yeah, that sounds like the questions they ask when you land in London. It gets pretty heavy. Honestly I think they start hassling when they find out you're unemployed.... guess they're more worried about panhandlers than terrorists. I just started telling people I was a writer and it was much smoother sailing.

  3. @Terry: Sorry, missing the NHL reference. But, know that I did smile a big smile when we passed a random pub today and instead of NFL, Bud Light was promoting NHL. It's the little differences...

    @Dave: I remember you mentioning the writer thing. Now I just need to remember to actually USE it the next time I roll through customs! Thanks for the reminder!

  4. You could even tell them with full confidence that you're a "freelance computer programmer". I gotta believe you're cleaning up some systems for people in exchange for bread and / or beds along your travels.

  5. You might have told them you were outside consultants for the US Dept. of Homeland Security and were checking up on the efficiency of the Canadian Border Patrol... aye

  6. @Anonymous: lol... We just went back through to the US a few hours ago. It took roughly 45 seconds.


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